I think it’s time we stop clinging to the old ideal
that you must wait until you’re married before
moving in together. The reality is that two-thirds of
married couples live together before tying the knot
so the question that now needs to be answered is
not IF you should move in together but rather
WHEN and HOW.
Although 48 percent of women now move in with
their mate as a first step before getting married
only 40 percent of cohabit acting couples actually tie
the knot. So, if you want to get the keys before the
ring, here are the six crucial questions
to ask before moving in to avoid becoming a
shacking up statistic.
1. Why Are We Moving In Together?
You must be able to tell if this is a step towards
marriage or a coupling of convenience. Many times
women think that
moving in means that he’s that much closer to
making you his wife yet maybe all that’s going
through his head is, “Sweet! I can save half of my
rent.” Or worse yet, “Great! Now I have someone
who can help me clean up this pig sty.”
2. Do You Want Children?
Think talking about kids is putting the cart before
the horse? When you consider that 20 percent of
cohabit acting women
get knocked up in the first year, you might want to
have that conversation so you know whether or not
he’ll leave you
holding the baby if you become an “oops” statistic.
3. How Are We Handling the Financial
Obligations?
Money is one of the top three things that couples
fight about. When you’re co mingling money before
you’re married you
need to be clear on who’s paying the bills and
managing the money. Determine whether you’re
splitting the costs 50/50 or divvying it up another
way.
4. Your Place or Mine?
It’s always best to start off in a new, neutral space
where you can establish your areas and routines
from scratch. I
remember how hard it was when my husband
moved into my place and I had to give up part of
my precious walk-in closet.
It’s hard not to become territorial — even towards
someone you love — when you suddenly have to
share something you
had all to yourself before.
5. When Should We Check In Again?
The times when I’ve seen co-habitation really
backfire with dating coaching clients is when the
couple had no understanding of where things were
headed and no timeline during which they agreed
to reevaluate their living situation.
While your engagement ring resentment is starting
to fester, your man might be thinking everything is
going great, and if
you two aren’t talking about it your relationship is
doomed to fail.
6. What Happens If We Break Up?
A pre-nup can be a buzz-kill but sometimes it’s
necessary. Have a clear understanding — ideally in
writing — of which assets you retain (from puppies
to property). This will make it easier to split
amicably if it comes to a real split. If you’re
unmarried and living together, most laws would
label you as simply roommates, so it’s your
responsibility to protect your
assets while following your heart.
I love that women can now choose their lifestyle
without judgment. You will not be a slut if you
move in with him before marriage. You will not be
a fool if you live with someone but never get
married. You will not be a spinster if you decide to
live alone forever. But living together out of
convenience is not the same as making a conscious
choice about how you want to live your life. You
must ask these crucial questions before moving in
to make sure you’re taking this major step
mindfully.
0 comments:
Post a Comment